This update is long overdue, and severely owed.
Over the past year and a half, there have been severe health issues affecting my ability to work as a knifemaker and content creator. In the face of these struggles, I have made many mistakes. I knuckled down and turned inward rather than speaking or asking for help or understanding.
In this time period I have seen numerous other creators and makers in the community go through health struggles that have interfered with and delayed their work, and they have been remarkably transparent about what’s causing them delays – I have not been. I have several problems with transparency (not the least discomfort overall with sharing personal information and unhealthy ideals of silent struggle) but the greatest complication here has been that the health issues I’ve been dealing with have not been just my own: They have been the issues of people extremely close to me. The privacy of those I love is sacrosanct to me. I am not in a position to disclose personal health information for others that they have not chosen to disclose. This has put me in a difficult position and in this position I have done the worst possible job of communicating that something was happening besides my taking orders and vanishing. I regret that immensely, but it cannot be undone only overcome. To say that I have had my hands full over the past 18 months, would be an understatement.
In short, in 2021 I suffered several health issues that undermined my own mental health and put strain on my work and relationships. Though I rallied, at year’s end my spouse began suffering from mental health issues that neared debilitating and life threatening. Additionally, I became the full-time caretaker for a young family member suffering the long-term effects of trauma, including Complex-PTSD and severe dissociative symptoms. As many of us know, the results of childhood trauma and PTSD can be extreme. Since this family member came to live with me in March of 2022,I have had daily responsibilities for their well-being, at times in a literally hands-on way. These events impacted my ability to work in that everything in my shop had to be locked and kept away from ready access, a need that continues. There are no readily accessible dangerous implements, chemicals, substances in my home at this point. I have locking medicine cabinets, entire rooms that only I can go into or out of, and multiple safes for all of my workpieces including tools – Nothing sharp or pointed, nothing that can be used to incise or inflict a wound, is unsecured – All the hazardous chemicals in the house, from cleaning products to medications are under lock and key – There are less secure inpatient facilities.
These conditions of responsibility to others in extreme distress have taken a significant toll on me and my well-being, and it has taken a significant toll on my family. The additional responsibility of someone going through that severe of a mental health crisis, on top of the mental health crisis my spouse was going through, pushed my marriage to the breaking point. Dealing with separating a household that has children, and that is going through the severity of issues that my household has been going through, is an extremely difficult and time-consuming process. One that requires a lot of hard decisions, a lot of hard not-even-choices just outcomes.
I made a series of poor choices over time, beginning at the early days of this crisis, saying “I’ll put this stuff down for now, I’ll pick it up in a couple of weeks when things stabilize” – Since October of 2021 I have been saying “in a couple of weeks, when things stabilize”. Things have not stabilized, and they are not going to for the foreseeable future. Upholding my responsibility to my children, working to hold both myself and my loved ones, support their healing, and heal my closest relationships, is my most important mission. My life is these responsibilities and these duties.
I am working as I can, slowly, to process the orders that are still pending and looking at what I can do going forward to return to making tools and content. Finding ways that are accessible with my responsibilities, and safe for my family and loved ones , that allow me to actually do what I am good at, and what I want to be doing.
I am sorry to those I have let down. I am sorry to those who are disappointed, even sorry to those who are angry and who have let it be known. I am sorry for not communicating better. From the inside of certain situations, the inside of certain personal hells, it is very difficult to tell other people about it, but I am sorry. If you are waiting on something, it will get to you – Whether that is a refund, or the product you ordered.
I do not know when. In fact, I do not always know how. Where it is in question, I am working on the how. My current situation is one of very limited resources, and keeping a roof overhead and eating come before everything else. I have taken outside employment that will barely provide to maintain, but every extra cent is going towards rebuilding No One Coming.
I am sorry that any of you who are waiting on orders have gotten caught up in this with me. That you are forced to deal with the consequences of my decisions regarding where I spend my time and my limited resources. I can’t undo the year and a half of dropped responsibilities, and I cannot fix it. I can simply move forward. In moving forward, I am working to make everyone waiting on something whole, in whatever way is necessary.
Beyond that, I can’t do, say, or offer anything. If that is not good enough for anyone, then that is not good enough for you. I have nothing further for you – You’ll get what you were promised, or what you asked for. That’s what I’ve got. If you choose to be an asshole about that, I cannot stop you – I am not asking for understanding, I am not asking for forgiveness. I am simply telling you what it is, and why it is. You do with that what you will, and I will continue to do with my life and my burdens what I need to.
For those of you who have been patient, already offered understanding without knowing what was going on but knowing something must be, I thank you. I appreciate you very much. Very much. All of you who are still watching, reading, following, please know you are important to me. I value you. I value my audience, I value my customers. Many of you are friends, many of you have become friends, I hope many of you will become friends in the future. Thank you for being here, thank you for your patronage. I hope to make it worth your time, worth your while – I hold no one’s attention cheaply. I look forward to creating more content, making more tools, for all of you.
Morgan Atwood
April 2023
Items posted for sale are shop extras, remnants, and previously unclaimed stock. They are offered at a significant discount, accordingly.
I am not taking custom orders – Items are sold as available. No new production has been possible since October 2021, and what resources exist for that are spent on making waiting customers whole. If this is you, rest assured that these offerings exist not at the expense of completing your orders, but to fund that process.
